~ These were our parents ~
What in God's name have we let happen ?
15 May 2012
11 May 2012
Old BBC Bloopers
Another blast down memory lane for ol' Brits - some classics in there include THe Goodies, Ask Aspel, Esther Rantzen, Fawlty Towers, Swap Shop, top of the pops and many more
Why? by Maxine...
(I have actually wondered that myself)  If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?' *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* (I have wondered this for years!!!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
|
10 May 2012
07 May 2012
Great Truths
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
6) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
7) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
3) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
4) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
5) If you can remain calm while all others around you are losing their heads, maybe you just don't understand the problem.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
3) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
6) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
7) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
8) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
9) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
10) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
11) Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
06 May 2012
California Highway Patrol in Action
This is one of the best pursuits that I have seen in a long time. Maybe the CHP should recruit the driver and buy some of those Cubes or Scion boxes for patrol use. The music on this video is half the fun, the chase was on the CA-241 Toll road in Orange County, CA. This could have been right out of a Benny Hill episode, but it is an actual police chase... the driver is a woman!
Taxes are no joke
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
05 May 2012
Two Performances - 47 Years Apart - The Diamonds
If you were alive in 1957, and old enough to enjoy Rock and Roll, you will probably remember the group, "The Diamonds" who had just launched their super hit "Little Darlin' ". For you that are too young to remember - it was a time when the performers were happy, enjoying themselves, respecting their fans, dressed appropriately and their lyrics could be understood. They did not feel obligated to scream, eat the microphone, mumble inaudible lyrics or trash the set. In 1957, The Diamonds had a hit with "Little Darlin". 47 years later, they were requested to perform at Atlantic City ... This link leads to both performances. |
04 May 2012
Humpback Whale Provides a Show After Being Saved
If you have not seen this, you will find it interesting--seeing average people make a difference by performing an above average feat and being blessed in a rather unusual way.
Michael Fishbach narrates his encounter with a young humpback whale entangled in a fishing net.
Saving Valentina: A Humpback's Tale
Michael Fishbach narrates his encounter with a young humpback whale entangled in a fishing net.
Saving Valentina: A Humpback's Tale
A card trick to beat ALL others
This is amazing!!!!
Worth watching, and will make you wonder how it’s done.
Irish magician, Dave Cremin, in a short video clip,
is seen performing maybe the greatest card trick you'll ever witness --- in the heart of Times Square.
CLICK THE DECK OF CARDS BELOW TO SEE THE VIDEO.
Worth watching, and will make you wonder how it’s done.
Irish magician, Dave Cremin, in a short video clip,
is seen performing maybe the greatest card trick you'll ever witness --- in the heart of Times Square.
CLICK THE DECK OF CARDS BELOW TO SEE THE VIDEO.
Osprey Amazing
First sequence he catches half a dozen fish in one strike.
Second sequence he plunges talons into deep water right to the bottom to grab his prey a halibut.
Third sequence he captures a big salmon that looks as if it weighs as much as he does!
This is incredible to watch (best viewed in full screen mode)...enjoy!
Second sequence he plunges talons into deep water right to the bottom to grab his prey a halibut.
Third sequence he captures a big salmon that looks as if it weighs as much as he does!
This is incredible to watch (best viewed in full screen mode)...enjoy!
2 Commercials for men
Classic!Two things you must know about REAL men!
First commercial; We are tough, do not doubt us!
Second commercial; OK, we can use a little help here!
First commercial; We are tough, do not doubt us!
Second commercial; OK, we can use a little help here!
Potatoes - A Laugh for the Day
Potatoes
Well,
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called
'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to
Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
Because he's just.......
Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
Because he's just a COMMONTATER
Well,
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called
'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to
Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
Because he's just.......
Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
Because he's just a COMMONTATER
AREN'T YOU SORRY I HAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS?
Truth in Life
Be well, stay safe, and SMILE (it makes your face feel good), and if smiles are good, laughs are even better. It's been said, "You don't stop laughing when you die, you die when you stop laughing!!" Here is the plan: send this flower to four people that you want to have a good day. I picked you. Please consider passing this to four people you want to have a good day. This is SO positive and there is nothing attached. Let's continue to send this along. Have a bright sunny day! (I know I picked more than four, and you can, too.)  |
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