30 September 2011

Pet Laws

THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY. 
Pet Laws

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. 

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. 
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. 
 
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. 
 
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. 
 
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: 
(1) They live here. You don't. 
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. 
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. 
 
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: 
 Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 
(1) eat less, 
(2) don't ask for money all the time, 
(3) are easier to train, 
(4) normally come when called, 
(5) never ask to drive the car, 
(6) don't smoke or drink, 
(7) don't want to wear your clothes, 
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions, 
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and 
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Posted via email from nickvt's posterous

Pet Laws

THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY. 
Pet Laws

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. 

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. 
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. 
 
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. 
 
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. 
 
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: 
(1) They live here. You don't. 
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. 
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. 
 
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: 
 Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 
(1) eat less, 
(2) don't ask for money all the time, 
(3) are easier to train, 
(4) normally come when called, 
(5) never ask to drive the car, 
(6) don't smoke or drink, 
(7) don't want to wear your clothes, 
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions, 
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and 
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Posted via email from nickvt's posterous

Tech Support

Some people should not own computers!

Tech support:     What kind of computer do you have? 
Female customer:    A black one... 

=============== 

Customer:   Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my disc out. 
Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the release button? 
Customer:  Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there's nothing in it. 
Tech support:  Does disc content show up on your screen?  
Customer: Oh! ...wait a minute..... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... 

  ===============  

Tech support:   Click on the 'My Computer' icon on the left of the screen.  
Customer:   Your left or my left? 

=============== 

Tech support:   Good day. How may I help you? 
Male customer:   Hello...  I can't print. 
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... 
Customer:  Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.  

=============== 

Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.' 
I've even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't  find it... 

   ============== =  

Customer:  I have problems printing in red. 
Tech support:  Do you have a color printer? 
Customer:   Aaaah.....................thank you. 

=============== 

Tech support:   What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 
Customer:   A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival. 

=============== 

Customer:    My keyboard is not working anymore. 
Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 
Customer:  No. I can't get behind the computer. 
Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room. 
Customer:   OK  
Tech support:    Did the keyboard come with you?  
Customer:  Yes 
Tech support:  That means the keyboard is not plugged in.  Is there another keyboard? 
Customer:  Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work. 

   =============== 

Tech support:  Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple,
a capital letter V as in Victor, and the numbers 7274. 
Customer:  Is the 7274 in capital letters?  

   == ============= 

Customer:    I can't open Yahoo calendar. 
Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password? 
Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 
Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was? 
Customer:  Yes... five stars.  
  
   ===============  


Tech support:  What anti-virus program do you use? 
Customer:   Hotmail.
Tech support:  That's not an anti-virus program.  
Customer:   Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer. 

   =============== 

Customer:   I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. 
Tech support: Who the hell transferred this call to me???

   =============== 

Tech support:  How may I help you? 
Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail. 
Tech support:  OK, and what seems to be the problem? 
Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? 

   =============== 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 
Tech support:  Are you running it under Windows?  
Customer:   "No, my desk is next to the door, but that's a good point. The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine." 

   =============== 

And last but not least... 

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now hit the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." 
Customer:  I don't have a P. 
Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob. 
Customer: What do you mean? 
Tech support:  "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.  

 Customer: 
I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!  

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26 September 2011

Tribute to the American Spirit

A moving Tribute to the American Spirit on 9/11:
 
Click here: » BOATLIFT, a 9/11 Tale of Resilience (Video) The Road To Resilience
 
 500,000 people rescued over the course of 9 hours

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Visual Harmonics

General Motors Billboards in Detroit

GENERAL MOTORS BILLBOARDS IN DETROIT ....

These are actual billboards in Detroit , Michigan put up by GM. This is definitely cool!!!

NEW CHEVY BILLBOARDS POSTED AROUND DETROIT

<>
 
Old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, 
but you are just too tired to bounce it.

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The real 'Dancing with the Stars'

Fred Astaire's Dancing Partners - montage 1933-68

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Alcohol Labels

Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex- lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you  kan tpye reel Gode. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pass this to all your friends if you feel they may be in danger.

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Understanding Derivatives

Understanding Derivatives
 
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar  ..
She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar.

To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.

Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit .

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages.

Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. 

He sees no reason for any undue concern because he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral!

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS.

These "securities" then are bundled and traded on international securities markets.

Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as "AAA Secured Bonds" really are debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb - and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices still are climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons. But, being unemployed alcoholics -- they cannot pay back their drinking debts. 

Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and Heidi's 11 employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBOND prices drop by 90%.

The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the BOND securities.

They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.

Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers. 

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from the government.

The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, nondrinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar. 

Now do you understand?

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Goalie Scores on himself with GK Punt

23 September 2011

Swimming Pool Delivery

Predictable but worth watching!
 SWIMMING POOL DELIVERY - new house, new pool
 
 
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=28443

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Speed of Light no Longer a Maximum

This piece of news is mind blowing - CERN scientists identified sub atomic particles traveling at a speed greater than the speed of light........
I need to repeat that:

CERN scientists identified sub atomic particles traveling at a speed greater than the speed of light.

Here's the paper and live conference today Friday Sep 23 at 16:00 Zurich time

This is "crazy" result could upend our understanding of our universe more than we have seen with previous revolutionary theories (Copernicus, Galileo, Einstein.....) 

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21 September 2011

Construction of the Empire State Building in 1929

Empire State Building Being Built in 1930
They are literally breathtaking!
No such thing as OSHA back then!  
Amazingly, it is believed only 5 people died during the construction and one of them was hit by a truck.
 
  


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18 September 2011

Traveling to Ireland - Think of an Alternative to Aer Lingus

It is sad to see the decline of an airline you have flown in the past but the experiences of relatives visiting from Ireland on the Irish National Air Line were so bad it is possible they might never come back and if they do it is highly unlikely it will be on Aer Lingus. Things have been bad as evidenced by the low cost carrier Ryan Air attempting to buy Aer Lingus but was blocked back in 2007.

There are large numbers of Irish Immigrants around the world (double the rate of the next nearest EU countries exodus) so servicing this population used to be a core business. But it would appear that service and network decline are endemic (just take a look at the customer service complaints here).

The original offer of pre-clearing immigration in Dublin airport was never fulfilled (one of the main reasons our visitors selected this flight) EI 139 DUB - BOS with a change in BOS to connect "seamlessly" to JetBlue B61325 BOS - BWI. The experience left them exhausted, re routed to another airport (DCA) and arriving hours later as they missed their connection. But the missed connection was avoidable and the experience at Boston was dreadful. As a requirement of entry to the US they had to clear customs at their first port of entry and take their bags through. But having fuflilled that obligation there is not a person in sit guiding people to re-check their luggage or help them. THey end up hauling their luggage out of the terminal onto the inter terminal bus. THe bus was in such a hurry to take off it left one half of the party on the bus with half the luggage adn then had to stop int he middle of the road leaving this elderly couple in their 80's struggling with suitcases across multiple lanes of traffic. Inevitably they missed their connection but it took so long that letting us know was so late we had already arrived at BWI
On a side note this turned out to be the first day that I was at all three local airports (landed at IAD in the morning, visited BWI and then finally collected them from DCA)

By the time they arrived they were thoroughly fed up, confused at the experience and dreading the return trip home. In the hope of recovering some small win out of the trip I contacted Aer Lingus and asked them to help these folks out on their return.
The day of their return trip home (days later) I received a letter telling me they had received my complaint and not to contact them again - they would be in touch. INstead of sending that it might have been a little more efficient to respond to the original complaint...but then again perhaps their complaint department is so busy?
I also received an e-mail sent on the day of departure sent at 14:14pm from Patricia (their flight was scheduled to depart at 17:00 so we had left to take them to the airport so never saw this until afterwards). Apparently they were assigned seats that were supposed to give them extra leg room and had requested the lounge. Nice gestures but without knowing it we could not brief these infrequent travelers provided no comfort to the travelers who experienced more of the disconnect between Jet Blue and Aer Lingus.
Knowing the challenge of the automated check in we took them to the desk and tried to help them out...the result no boarding card for the onward flight, no indication of any extra care or help and a requirement to exit the terminal at BOS and transfer to the other terminal and find the Aer Lingus check in desk!

The following day they filed us in on the return experience. Finding a remote desk to check in being offered access to the lounge but having left the desk only to discover they had not been checked in and had no boarding documents! Had to return and queue again and check in and then by the time they reached the lounge which was apparently nowhere near the gate discovered that there was no tea (the team machine was broken) and they only just made their flight with the distances to the gate. They were not aware of the "upgraded seats" so it is not clear what actually happened and if they were in those seats.

There is nothing to recommend this route, airport or airline. Integrated networks and ease of transit/transfer is the key to offering customer service especially for inbound passengers to the US. Aer Lingus may offer a transfer with Jet Blue but these are two unrelated air lines. Picking a US carrier who can offer a seamless experience for onward transfer is a must unless you want to miss flights, hang around in airports and haul luggage across large distances unaided.

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Stats for real people

 



 

 

 

 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 

 
 

 

 


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